16 Comments
User's avatar
lystra m.'s avatar

I absolutely love this. I am a big fan of doing things that are slightly unorthodox when it comes to dates, and now you've given me more ideas!

But I also really connect with that fear of intimacy. What you wrote about feeling intimacy being purely physical made me realise that I too have that view of it. The idea of something truly knowing me, doing a deep dive into my brain, is something so impossible to believe outside of my female friends that it had never occurred to me that it is intimacy. I just can't imagine a man I go on a date with wanting to know me in that way. But hey, I'm not thinking that sharing a bit more and giving them some insight might still be scary but an interesting thing to try out!

Carly's avatar

And when a guy does want to do a deep dive sometimes I’m like hmmmm what’s the play here? But as I’ve put myself out there more it’s gotten less scary

Carly's avatar

Omg this made me scream!! If you do you HAVE to let me know how it goes….im working on another field study and I think you’ll love. And honestly I didn’t even realize that about myself until I wrote this. Which is crazy! But I am so so happy it resonated with you ✨

lystra m.'s avatar

Can't wait to hear about your next field study! Giving me sooo many ideas

P Mason's avatar

This was chaotic in the best way — sharp, self-aware, funny, and unexpectedly vulnerable underneath all the bravado. I loved the voice here. It feels like someone performing an experiment on intimacy while secretly being terrified of the results. The “soulmate on paper” section especially hit. Hilarious, emotionally honest, and very original.

Carly's avatar

This is so sweet and kind! It really became a social experiment where I learned a lot about myself and also dating apps and men

Isabella's avatar

this was such a fun read!! but just saw in the comments that you got scared and unmatched your soulmate?!! girl wtf?! I mean come on. I really adored this read though, so I forgive you <33

Carly's avatar

I know, I know I’m working on it! Wasn’t my best and brightest moment

Isabella's avatar

lesson learned, we’re all growing and learning<33

Sanaa's avatar

Dating apps are such humiliation rituals tbvh, loved reading this post tho <3

Eldest daughter diaries's avatar

Love your post! It made me realize that I too am afraid of intimacy

Carly's avatar

It’s crazy!! I didnt even realize it until recently

Eldest daughter diaries's avatar

Yesss same when I tell you that I was on dating apps not really engaging and my hg was like it’s seems like you don’t care ahhh

Olivia Barbulescu: Feral Woman's avatar

Did you ever meet up with soulmate????

Carly's avatar

Nooo I got scared and unmatched him 🙈

P Mason's avatar

I loved this article and left a comment. I also wrote about my experience on the apps. Let’s connect!

Always looking to connect with thoughtful writers/readers on here 🤍 I write about love, attachment, survival mode, midlife dating chaos, and choosing yourself after heartbreak.

https://pmasonwriter.substack.com/